I opened my WordPress dashboard, check the statistics, and review longtime pended drafts and tried making it better if I can write my heart again.
Still, no signs of enthusiasm gliding on my keyboard.
Barely written a personal post for a couple of months back, and I don’t think I deserve a space for my opinion and thoughts.
So I come up with an idea, what if I quit blogging?
I will no longer give myself deadlines for publishing posts, no longer tap my head to create contents, no longer rushing to events after office hours, and alas no longer to pressure myself to keep my blog and social media accounts updated.
Just let it be, stay out of blogging.
There are some determinants why this thought smashes me
all of a sudden and made me think to end this over, and the main culprit was when I can no longer live the days seeing “bloggers” giving a wrong definition to “blogging”.
We all know for a fact that life doesn’t usually turn out the way it should be. I know, and I have perfectly mastered it already (I supposed). Although to be honest, it has always been frustrating but somehow, I still managed myself to stand for what I wanted to.
Lately, I am not feeling OK. You’ve seen me publishing blogs over the past few months about food, hotel, and places I’ve been to but there are no pieces of evidence of my personal right-at-this-moment feeling that I needed to cry out. I even stopped writing Open Letters for a while.
But don’t get me wrong. I am not suffering from any mental health disorder (I think) but I just don’t feel OK lately.
It seems that there is a wall blocking my face. I can not breathe, and for me to be able to breathe again, I have to shout it all.
I decided to feel not OK when I’ve seen so many social accounts with fake followers owning the word “blogger” and being recognized (by themselves) as a “social influencers“. Hitting with more or less than tens of thousands of followers but with no creative content made me think how the hell they managed to collect all these followers when in fact, I’ve been pulling out all juices on my brain just to create a superlative content for my beloved ~ One Thousand followers on my Instagram.
I just don’t feel OK when everybody is exerting effort and others are faking it.
They made me (us) feel tiny in some ways.
One of these is that they think that they were above as they were the ones to get an opportunities to work with brands. What hurts me most about is that they are giving a wrong impression to the majority of PRs especially in the framework of “food blogging” industry.
Let’s just say that I feel extremely sorry not only for myself but also for other legit bloggers in town who deserves more than what they have now.
This thought is unnecessary to think, and when I usually express this to others, I mostly got a response of “Just let it be, and do your own thing”.
No, it shouldn’t be like that.
Seeing them everywhere takes away my momentum and excitement to write and to create contents. It’s not that I feel insecure. No, please don’t get me wrong with what I am trying to say.
I feel that I am about to quit because I am losing enough confidence in myself. This has been a well-kept secret I have been grasping for the previous months not only to my readers but also to myself.
Funny enough, Am I really about to quit blogging for the wrong reason?
As I looked at my favorite bloggers’ work in town, I started to feel alive (again) by reading their blogs and analyze their emotions the way they wrote it. I felt a sense of direction once again.
As days went on and made some rationalizations, I began to realize how shallowness my reasons are. I wish I have noble reasons for me to think to quit – like a new career or I am about to start a new business, or maybe more important things that I need to focus on.
The thing is, I asked myself why will I quit for the wrong reason when in fact, all through these years blogging has helped me in so many ways. Not just an outlet for my creativity and thoughts, but also it has been a means of extra income in little ways.
Quitting is a brave decision to make, only if you’re quitting for the right reasons. I don’t want to see myself one day regretting over this kind of decision – quitting for the wrong reason.
To quit blogging because I feel terribly sorry for myself and others were the lamest of all excuses. If I will quit because of this reason, then I would be unconsciously supporting these kinds of “bloggers” promulgating the wrong definition of “blogging”. I have no power to stop them, I will let them to continue their thing and fake followers and even fake themselves.
What I am trying to say is,
I am going to keep trying and continue to establish the real sense of blogging.
I am going to continue what I have started.
And if ever I will come to a point that I need to quit blogging for good, I will make sure that it is for the right reasons.
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