It has been a lot of ups and downs for me to say what I have been through for this year 2016. I believe every day makes us a better person for we able to learn something new each day.
It’s December again, my favorite month of the year; needless to say it’s Christmas time. A time where all our emotions are elated and joyous festivity are happening all month round. Indeed, the happiest month for me.
Nevertheless, I would like to look back on how I stumble bravely on where I am standing today. This is by far the bravest and most personal writeup I’ll be writing in the entire history of my existence as some of this I consider as my weakness and wouldn’t allow myself to share this to my circles.
So why did I come up to this point?
I came to a point where I finally decided to share my experiences as my blog’s objective is to bring positivity and somehow inspire atleast one person. Yes, atleast one person. That is a big impact.
I’ve been contemplating for so many days how am I going to start with this, I have so many scratches and sentences that I have built on my mind, yet I find it difficult to draw out of it. I guess you’ll have to congratulate me once I published this post.
Hidden gems in my body
I stared the year 2016 with a BIG BANG. It was late January if I am not mistaken when we finally found out that I am carrying gallstones. It was November 2015 when pain sarted to attack me on a night time basis. All we knew that it is some sort of stomach ache due to acidity and back pain because of wrong posture.
Until it came out relatively and consistently that the pain always attacks me and made me like a crying baby. My husband and my sisters used to rush me in the hospital since I couldn’t endure the pain. It’s kind of terrible experience to say sadly that I have to suffer waiting on the queue to get me attended by doctors and nurses at a government hospital in town. I do not have private insurance card that time and I do not want to bear huge amount of my hospital bills. Yes, it sucks.
It didn’t stop there, as they were rule out the all abouts, they have instructed me on a non-fat, no-oil, no-dairy, no-salty diet. It’s no easy to claim, all of people surrounding me eats whatever – whenever they want – and here I am – eating a steamed veggies and fish. It was August when they set a schedule for operation to remove the stones. But I couldn’t bear the waiting time. They set me up to August! What the hell am I going to wait for a hell of a 6 months to get me treated.
Pain is constant, there were no absent for me on a month for me to rush to the hospital because of the terrible back pain. It was at my back which is the most painful, its like all my bones are being crushed to tiny bits and prickly to the point where I can not straightened up my body. I was on a fetal position so that I could manage atleast the pain.
I beg doctors to remove and proceed as soon as possible and I do not want to wait anymore. Fortunately, a good samaritan doctor endorsed me to a nearby out of town government hospital and set by July my operation. The rest is history and now I am finally okay with my health. Still, I set limitations on my diet. (sometimes!lol)
Too Beautiful for Earth
While battling for gallstone attacks, by 2nd week of March I couldn’t understand my body and convinced myself to try a homekit pregnancy test. It felt surreal and my body freezes for a while as it took me by a surprise to found out that there were 2 lines. The other one was vague and faint line. To my excitement and curiosity and whatever extreme joy yet holding it back, I immediately showed it to Mr. Lucky. I can still remember how his face drawn a “finally-smile” and yet I told him to confirm this case first. I took another tests and on different time of the day and they were all getting vague instead of clearer. Nobody knows what we were going through that time. We were happy but we’re holding it back as is is not confirmed.
As soon as we reached my Obgyne, she instructed me to continue my vitamins and I have to underwent procedure to see why she couldn’t see any visibility of the little creation inside of me. We were on agony of 1 week, we waited for the results.
-And it was an early miscarriage.
(There were procedures and some episodal instances which I chose not to disclose here so we’ll better to skip to avoid technicalities.)
I really couldn’t find words how I am going to describe what I felt that time. I had questions – a lot, but Mr. Lucky has been supportive and gave me strenght to survive that phase of our life. Nobody knows our situation except for my bestfriend, my Ate and Mommy. I chose not to tell because I don’t want people to feel sorry for what happend to us.
Although it hurts up to this point of time. I am still positive that God will bless us on His perfect time. We are patiently happy to wait for her/him.
Set spirits free
On a random days, out of nothing, while staring the ceiling of our room and getting some rest after work. A whisper inside of me says “hey lenny, write something!” out of nothing, I took my phone and downloaded wordpress on my mobile, and push the button: “start a blog”. I have no plans at all, it’s just a random days that led me to here. I didn’t really conceptualize what will be my blog’s name or concept or whatsoever. There is no planning at all. It just so happens.
It was late July when it hit me real to published my first blog post. It was about how we took risk and escape our comfort zone to set up a new life here (you can check it here). There were good comments and people notice me and got me fueled up to this time. There were the reasons behind my motivation to run this blog.
I never knew that blogging would help me be my best self as I continue learning. It has expanded my perspectives in life and made me realize certain things I didn’t know if I did not started blogging. It has honed my self-awareness and I was able to place all my thoughts therapeutically. This serves as my journal too. It has challenged my creativity and how I am going to pull out my time out of the bed. It helps me widen my community and I am glad what this blog has brought me.
Lifetime investment of a life
We have finally lived the reality one of our dream. Please eliminate the thought of bragging in this section as I do not have intentions at all.
I consider this humble price as we worked hard for this. Working is given as it goes everyday with efforts. Saving is different thing. The hardest task as I consider. I remember how we religiously update our notes on every penny we saved just to keep track if we are keeping close to our goals. Saving was the ultimate target why we are basically expats here. Do not get me wrong because we have also time and alotted expense to reward ourselves with simple things.
Not all who WANDER are lost
Evidently I am screaming out of my lungs how excited I am to get my annual vacation after long years of waiting (you can check it here) This moment of my life is what I am thrilled the most because I’ll be spending lots of time with my love-ones back home. I will leave this up to here, because I’ll be saving my words and emotion as soon as I write my travel adventures. I can’t literally wait for it to arrive. Yaaay!
I use to think that life has always been a challenge ground for us. It’s a huge classroom with no walls- no boundaries, the learning experience is boundless and we continue leraning endless. There were times, however most of the time that we encounter mistakes and errors – we must not stop learning. It is full of discoveries.
What 2016 made me today is a very much grateful person. It may have cause me pain emotional and or physical but I have great believe that those things happens for a reason. I may not know the answer but sooner I’ll be able to realize behind all of this. What I listed above are the major ups and downs but to count I have a lot of things to be thank for. A blogpost may never enough to enumerate all these wonderful things life has given to me. I am grateful everyday and I am looking forward for my 2017.
2017 – Please be good to me.